Day 94: {SATIRE} Hegseth Uses Warzone Clan Chat for Classified Bragging
Breaking News {SATIRE} Embattled Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth has once again become embroiled in scandal. It has been uncovered that Hegseth has been using a game's clan chat system to discuss classified war plans with his online gaming buddies. According to an anonymous source, Hegseth would often talk about ongoing military operations while playing Activision's popular battle royale shooter, Call of Duty: Warzone . An informant, whom we shall refer to as "BBalls" to preserve his anonymity, recently contacted this publication with startling allegations. "We'd often be in the middle of a match when 'Hegmeth' - that was our nickname for him - would say something like, 'I just fragged some guy with a SKS, just like when I ordered a SEAL sniper to whack General Hubuti in Yemen. I'm awesome!'" recounted the source. "He would flex his SecDef muscles like this all the time, usually right after some noob downed him for the um...